My curves saved my life part 2: Are the insecurities really gone?

My curves saved my life part 2: Are the insecurities really gone?

4 min read  —  Sep 07, 2022

by Zeineb Ouertatani

Welcome back dear Mafters,

It’s been a long time since we’ve had a heart-to-heart moment.

Almost a year has passed since I shared with you the story of how my curves saved my life and today I take it upon that story’s glory to open up the conversation about another one of my journeys. 

It was right at the time when I wrote down the first article of this series that I was suffering from COVID.

My pain lasted a whole month , a whole month of mental breakdowns and hospital gowns however the worst part had yet to come.

Little did I know that the big surprise was the reality of the aftermath of it all. Unlike most people I didn't get to experience the happiness of finally being out and being able to walk outside normally, instead I was shocked by the weight I gained or rather I was heartbroken and ashamed. 

Once again my beloved mirror stopped having my back and changed her positive feedback. Leaving me crying and in constant demand of what changed on my behalf.

Yet this time the change was clear and obvious, the change was due to a poinsouns illness called COVID.

At this time, my whole mental health has exploded and turned back to its dark and devoted place. The place that I often worked hard to erase yet I keep on coming back to it due to my "added" weight.

Such a dark and sad place I kept drowning in until I started drawing out my new allure of thin.

From shock to a dark box and finally to a body bomb! 

This time was about a lot more than me accepting my body, this time it was about me reaching my goal weight and kicking my body dissatisfaction to the curb.

I’m not going to lie to you fellow Mafters, It wasn’t motivational mornings and a workout at 6 am with a green smoothie and a bottle of water with lemon.

In fact, it was a lot darker, it was depression and an eating disorder, it was mental torture and a lack of nurture.

I started discluding a lot of food types from my daily regime and I wish I could say it was intentional but the truth was that I could no longer keep down those types of food moreover I started to eat small quantities of each meal because simply if I ate a lot I would often end up hugging the toilet seat like I was coming back from a wild night out.

Many of you would wonder why am I sharing my story, it isn’t motivational and it isn’t inspiring maybe, but one thing I know it is. It’s Real and Relatable.

It’s the other side of the mirror that we often disregard, it’s the side half empty of the cup and it’s one of those hush-hush stories we don’t see exposed in the media. 

Today I’m sharing with you my story and I’m mic-dropping both EATING DISORDER and DEPRESSION, it’s about time we took down the fake pillars of the perfect body transformation journey and installed the real ones, yes they may not all be ideal but they’re 100% genuine and authentic.

Dear Mafters, my journey is not all dark too, there is light coming right through my next sentence’s debut.

Instead of investing in tools and apps to propel me forward, I also started creating my own healthy regime by introducing the salad theme from lunch to dinner until I reached my goal of becoming healthier and it is still to this day a progressive process, just one day at a time. 

Overall I can't emphasize enough that a significant part of my journey was about giving myself grace and finally understanding that massive life events and circumstantial changes played an important role in how I felt about my body.

From boys on the street’s wandering eyes and looks to unwanted comments from distant family members and finally and worst of all to the social media high instagram standards. 

It actually was a long-awaited epiphany that drove me toward letting go of old mindsets, photos, clothing, and fitness goals that represented the past.

An epiphany created by my friends and family, through the non-comments and the silent yet so loud admiration look that pierces right through, the lift-up power they kept broadcasting towards me, and most importantly the regular check-in on my mental health and not just in a how are you a moment or deep talks, it’s in the being-there moments, it’s in the silence between the conversation, it's in the fine print between the anxiety attacks and the Mama Bear hugs. It’s simply "The UNspoken Support"!

Which inspired me to embrace this new stage of my life and to accept the beauty of the body and mind — and I'm excited to see how I continue to evolve on this self-love journey.

Reaching the end of my article, I have one last thing to share with you, after the hard journey that I went through and the pain that I suffered from and the looks I endured.

I’m today a woman with a story to tell.

I’m today a woman with a loud voice to radiate.

I’m today a woman with insecurities to share. 

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